Our state is in the midst of a jobless recovery. Those who work are underpaid and those who apply are competing with 60 people will may also end up being slightly underpaid. So I was amazed when my roommate moved in, having been offered a position as a helper at a refinery plant. Helpers do general labor, much like those dozens of migrant workers you see crowding the parking lots at Home Depot every morning, to do basic labor and get minimum wage. And perhaps that works well if you live on basic necessities, but Jose is a father with several children, and he is a skilled craftsman. Deep down, he knows his worth.

So Jose set out to work because someone promised him a "per diem," probably not even knowing what the word meant (it translates to: they pay your rent for you.) Only half way up here, and not in writing, another different someone changed their minds. "We didn't say that. Who said that? Did we say that? We'll work on that then. We'll get back to you." Then, they realized Jose's a smart guy and he won't let it rest.  he can solder and pipe fit, and the guys at work had started him on doing that, only they didn't want to pay him for that. They were going to pay him helper's pay

I realized  while listening to Jose vent his frustration that if he doesn't keep his mouth shut he's going to talk himself out of a job. He had his foot in the door and he was trying to get jis leg in, but that's not what they hired him for. Sure enough, Jose continued to complain about all the work they are giving him that othes are getting paid more to do than what he's getting. (It did also occur to me at this point that I wondered if there was some sort of unspoken racial thing going on as well, since his family was Hispanic and he has an accent.) I tried to explain to Jose that that's not how our economy is going right now, and that he's lucky to have a job. In this economy, they pay less and there are lots of others willing to take his place, but Jose continued to notice that they were demanding yet more work and still giving him the same pay rate. Was it racism, exploitation, or ignorance? Or was Jose just being too demanding and about to get himself fired? Maybe all or neither. At any rate, it's just a general feeling of being used and nothing he could put his finger on. Jose was working hard and paying rent and not getting ahead enough to send money home. A month had past and no improvement was seen. How long does one wait for improvement before giving up?

 Jose is older and he's skilled, plus he's a parent, so the calls from home were helping him clear his head and stay in reality. He's doing the job of an unskilled younger person. He has to make a decision if the shoe fits or not. This is what they are willing to offer him, can he keep his mouth shut and just settle? Well, Jose couldn't. he had several restless nights and bad dreams. He feels guilty and sad. His children need him and that need is real.

Bad dreams are ususally the first indicators that your gutt is telling you something is dead wrong. His responsibilities are too heavy. He needs more money. He has a wife who needs to buy winter clothes for the children. He's got mouths to feed. Jose says he tried to tell this to the boss, who responded, "I know how you feel." Jose responded, "No, you don't know how I feel. You don't have children." He's making a major mistake here, airing his personal life needs at work. Nobody cares and nobosy is supposed to care, guys. Nobody cares when women have sick children or try to leave work and call in sick because little Johny has the flu, and no body cares now. Employers are there to make money, not care. We forget this sometimes.

So, in my last article I described how women sabbotage their careers by talking about children, leaving work early, or listing that the reasons they need to be hired; that they have children at home, bills to pay...and again I'm going to tell you- nobody cares. Harsh as it may sound, you do no good to list your personal problems to your employer. What we really have here is a trained person who took a job with skills much lower than what he was capable of, and that's a mistake we often make. We are wrongly thinking that perhaps we will move up the ladder if we can just get a foot in the door. Not only a foot in, but Jose had a size 10 foot trying to fit uinto a size 7 shoe. Who is to blame here? The show doesn't fit.

In a different economy it may have been true that he could have worked his way up, but it is also true that if he had no children, less need, or lower career expectations he may have stayed put happliy for a long time. In this economy we are searching harder for the bigger shoes and we need to make sure what we are being promised or offered will work for us.

It may well be true that Jose has talked himself out of a job, and they will get a younger person with no children who complains less. It may also be true that he finally realizes his true worth and it's a blessing is disguise to move on, and he needs to be looking for Foreman positions.

The lesson here for all of us is knowing when to turn down a job because you are more valubale than that. There is also another lesson here about promises that were not in writing, and who is accountable for saying one thing and doing another once he was already on the road to the job site. Employers may not have the authority to make promises, or they may allude to "maybe's" to fill hard-to-fill or boring positions and promise you the moon. Just like the position I just turned down for a secretarial position disguised as an administrator position, all shoes do not fit. Jose tried to squeeze his foot into a shoe that was too small, and in his dreams he was drawn to re-evaluate the situation. His employer was scamming him with false promises in order to get a skilled person to work for less pay. Not all employers are honest.

The problem with accepting a position too low is that you lock yourself into a history of lower pay and lower your over-all value. It's a concern we must consider as we evaluate the State of our State. State of mind, state of being, and our state of sanity also count. In the end, it's best to walk away with your own sanity and self esteem in tact. Jose says that when payday came around, the pay checks were nowhere to be found, so he's probably wise to walk away early. If they an employer even remember to pay their employees on time, then they don't have the conviction to keep truly professional people of higher integrity, and that's where you want to be. It's time to move on.

True, it is a poor economy. So what.

As of October 2009, our job market's recovery was being referred to as "Jobless Recovery," meaning that all the small business owners who could go under already did, or companies that were trying to cut every corner they could already did, and now they still aren't hiring, or rehiring, further employees. It is, in California, especially difficult for school districts, since the tax base has dropped, and home values they depended upon plummeted, and as a result, many administrators were given pink slips. I'm a school administrator, so I should be pretty depressed right now as I am moving into a career area that is so challenged, but before I sit on my pity pot, I have a few words for others amongst us who are still fighting the good fight along side me, and who may b e tempted to say "Yes" to any job because they are so tired of looking and looking for career-specific employment positions.

Any one who is unemployed right now can count on one State year of aid followed by possibly three Federal extensions. This because Obama says it could take that long for some individuals to find work. The EDD says that you should look for work "within your area of expertise," but that is sometimes a cloudy proposition. For example, I recently spotted a position called "School Administrator" and applied for it. I was welcomed in for an interview in record time, but when I asked about the pay, I turned pale and speechless. I'm sure my jaw must have dropped. (It turns out that the position should really have been called "Administrative Assistant," which is a totally different area of secretarial work.)

I have finished my Administrative Services Credential and my skills are somewhere around Dean, Vice Principal, Principal or Director level. A true administrator has the power to interview, hire, let-go, assess, or do HR functions. I know what I am worth and I know what I have been paid and should be paid, and I know that sometimes you have to hear the low bid and raise them one, or negotiate your way towards the level that you need by stating your "value added" abilities and skills- but this was an insult. Yet still somewhere, in the back on my head, I was trying to rationalize why it was "OK" to take this position.

I gracefully decided to give a polite, "I'll think about it." When you leave an interview like this, it's very quiet on both sides because you feel cheated on your ened, while they have to keep looking on their end. You feel like an attempted rape victim, and you may not even know why right off. There's just an errie, uncomfortable feeling of having squeezed your foot into a shoe two sizes too small, and you can barely hobble back out the door and fake a smile. It's hard to put your finger on the gutt feeling, but you should consider what your gutt is telling you:

1. If you take a job that bores you or under-utilizes your skill set just because you need money, you may feel insulted or resentful.
2. You may dis-honor your education, your teachers who trained you, or your self worth.
3. You may have to cut back on your expenses or seriously impare your quality of life.
4. You may find yourself surrounded by people much younger who are only just learning the skills you have already mastered, who don't have the level of committment you have, or the same level of self-discipline, and your boss may treat you the way she treats them.
5. You will not stay up to par on the higher skills you have just learned or the duties you were trained to do, and they may be left stagnant while you do this other work.
6. You may feel obligated to remain in the position in order to gain a good review for your next job, and that means being stuck there for at least a year before you can make a graceful exit.
7. You may come to work depressed, feeling anxiety, or not doing your best job because your mind may focus on the injustice you feel.
8. The choice of jobs may then affect your social life and life goals, stigmatize you, or may delay your long term career path and goals as a result of having said Yes.

I know you think you need the money, but you don'ty need to gain 20 pounds or go on depression meds just because your emotional health took a toll in the name of employment or receiving a pay check. Of course, for this reasoning to apply to you, the following is probably also true:

A. You already have degrees and do not consider yourself to be "still studying."
B. You have car payments, a mortgage, and maybe a student loan. These are not negotiable amounts.
C. You have invested 20 years in your career path- or more.
D. You've already got 20 year experience in EVERYTHING, so you can be picky.

When I hear job descriptions that resonate of serving food, cleaning tables, mopping floors, or doing customer service, I know I "did my time" in those positions. I did them all. They taught me detail orientation and discipline, humility, and public service. My resume is now four pages long or six if I include those positions as well. In fact, at this point, my resume is called a curriculum vite resume. It reads more like a blog or a diary than a one-page resume. I can't begin to contain the list of skills to have to one page or even three. I think the golden years are best characterized by endless paperwork, red tape, miles of storage folders and work materials, and stacked lateral file drawers. But of course, that's me. I have so many skills and I have developed so much curriculum in special subjects that I have a room dedicated to their storage. My life has meaning. I am focused. Anything will not do because I am a servant with a mission and a specific audience that I serve. I am a specialist.

I say stick to your gutt feeling, negotiate your best shot, and think it over. If what you've got to loose weighs heavier than what you've got to gain, then you keep looking, despite the awkwardness. Think of it as escaping from the bad date with the ugly guy that you managed to squirm away from without having to kiss him.Eeew! You won't hate yourself in the morning.

I think I have aged like fine wine and my work quality is at a premium. I love myself, my skills, my age, my life. I have references from the most amazing people, and I owe them my best shot- but most of all, I owe it to myself. I support about 5 people, and I am responsible for the well-being of my queendom. I am not happy with a world that still thinks that if I am female I should be worth less, be dependent upon a man's income, or be able to work part time- N/A. I know my abilities and skills, and I know I am worth a lot, and if the world needs to catch up, then I need to find the pond with the swans and stay away from ducks.

I was told to keep myself surrounded by positive, encouraging professionals like myself that can help me stay focused and sharp, support my goals and professional development, or remind me when I'm an idiot. I advise you, in your job search, to do the same. Those are your friends, and you need them to help you see the forest from the trees. They will remind you of your goals, and knock your common sense back in to you in the event that you decide that 'settling" is good enough in life. It's your life. While it's true we all dig our hole and lie in it, make sure the hole you seek out is wide, warm, with a good view, surrounded by a brook and fruit trees, on the path of your choosing. You may think you don't have control over a lot of variables in your life, but saying "Yes" to a job is like getting married, and anyone just won't do. Find a view that works.

To summarize, before you sign your life away on any dotted line, make sure you can face yourself the next morning. If you find yourself jumping out of bed with joy, feeling bouncy and excited because you have taken on a great and significant task that will make you grow, looking forward to the growth, having the  feeling you are about to cover new territory, feeling your are about to discover something new, feeling you are about to make a contribution and fill some big shoes, then you have chosen the right position.

In Contrast, if you have the nagging feeling that you have been there before, that the opportunity provides nothing new or exhilirating, or that the road you are on will lead you off a cliff, think again. You are not the fool in a Tarot deck, you are the Knight and it's your adventure. Don your royal shield, saddle up your while horse, get your sword, and keep on going. There are many good battles yet to be won. Walk the walk, talk the talk, and fake it till you make it, like a good soldier. The more you fall down, the stronger you get. Don't ever be afraid to put up a good fight to get the position you really need and deserve. If you don't fight, you will be sorry. If you do fight and win, you will feel like a winner. It's your choice.

USA TODAY reported that employment for women still doesn't show full equality.

In 2009 women lost 1.6 million jobs, and men lost 4.7 million. Men had the higher paying jobs to begin with, so they went first when position cuts were made.  If women work fewer hours than men, hold more part-time jobs than men, or earn 77% of what men make, then from an employer perspective, it makes sense to hire women who will work for less, or lay-off men and women who work for more.

Men still dominate higher-paying executive ranks. It has been my observation that many executive men are afraid to talk to me, afraid of "what their wives will think," and I am either lead to a lower ranking position or talked-down in salary if I get far enough to interview. When I post my salary needs, I have lately been told that what I ask is too high. It was the last salary I made, but suddenly that's too high. Is it better that I ask for a lower salary, work under a man, or just work part time? The economy may look bad for everyone, but it has reversed the strides I was trying to make to become more equal in pay.

Last night on the news, I heard the news reporter say that women still struggle to make enough money to be head of their own households or live on their own. There has got to be something wrong with a government that urges unwed mothers to marry abusive men, to avoid homlessness or destitution by moving in with men for sex, or to endure living or sleeping with anyone because their only other option is homelessness. Do we want to keep women unequal so that men benefit? Do women contribute to the myth?

Despite our models of equality, the glass ceiling still exists because of stereotypes of women being unable, or incapable, of taking on equal responsibility. Some employers feel they don't want to risk putting women in their ranks because women will take off time to tend to child care, tempt married men, leave work for child care matters, or use personal time and days off to tend to family rather than engage in professional development.

No matter how educated women get, we can't seem to remove the sexual stereotypes. It is not true that women wear short sexy tops to work to gain raises, nor is it true that men only look to cheat by targeting females at work (if they're looking, they look outside of work as well, right?) In fact, men are just as likely to leave work early, or have families that they go home to, or to engage in non-professional endeavors on the weekends. You would think gender would not be used as an issue for the "good old boys" to continue to prevent women from working amidst their ranks, but it's not so, not even in 2009. Many employers still hold on the the reigns, or the males in charge still do, and ladies, they aren't going to cut you a break.

If you are a woman seeking employment, try not to stereotype yourself before you get started!

1) Don't talk about children or financial issues at your job interview or at work.

2) Don't use children as an excuse to leave work early.

3)Have a back-up who can tend to all child issues while you are at work. (If your employer gets wind of the fact that children are in the way, you appear unstable and the whole stereotype will come up. They may find some excuse to remove you.)

4) Don't expect understanding when you talk about your children or their problems at work, even if you think you are protected by anti-discrimination laws. You think employers should care, but all they really hear is "Blah Blah Blah..." that you can't think clearly, and your personal life is taking up space in your brain where your job should be!

Do not expect employers to be excited when you do not give your duties your full attention. Your employer should be your one and only thought when you go to work- even at lunch or at work parties. Men seem to be better at masking emotions than women are, but at work, it's a card game and you need to have a poker face. The better your poker face, the more options you give yourself. Even I have cringed during job interviews when I ask women, "Tell me about yourself." A good poker face response sounds like this: "Well, I completed my credential in October, and I was really excited when I saw your ad. I have read all about your company and I know that you do X and Y. I would be perfect for this position."

A bad poker face (all about you) sounds like this: "Well, I just had my newborn two weeks ago and he was 13 pounds. That cost a lot and I'm exhausted all the time. We are so behind on the bills that I just have to make some money, so I was really excited to see your ad because that was what I did before I had little Johny. And I can hardly wait to have enough money to get the car fixed so that I will be able to afford reliable transportation."

Does anyone really understand what is going through the mind of the employer as the second woman blathers on and on about her personal life? The expression "nobody cares" comes to mind. OK, we all reproduce, but your employer WANTS somebody who is not too busy to work, and #2 just ruled herself out. If an employer hints wanting to know about your personal life, you should reply, "I can hardly wait to get here every morning, and I even read up on it at night." The end.

So if you interview, ladies, if it's not about your job ambitions and what you can do for their company, you hurt the very real reputation of women like me who try and try to break that glass ceiling! Maybe you are one of the lucky ones, living at home on someone else's pay check, working as a hobby, doing your nails every day. Meanwhile, a woman like me, who really does make her own mortgage payments, may try to gain merit by stating all the professional development I do each week just to reassure my employer that I really am there to grow and participate, not just to stare at the clock until it's time to pick Johny up from day care.

After 20 years, I am still trying to get back the 23% of my pay that men got for doing the same jobs. Just think of how much money I have lost over a life time because of stereotypes.  If I'm going to be judged or have my pay docked, it should be for more than the mere fact that I marked an "F" under "what is your gender?" Women need to realize that they will continue to earn less pay if they don't realy make a concerted effort to rise to the occasion. In the employment game you have to walk the walk and talk the talk. What you have to lose is your right to autonomy, and the rights of other women to their autonomy as well.

This woman doesn't want to work for less. Is 100% of what I am due really too much to ask?

Principal Position, Julie L. Shepard

(a)My  leadership experience: Leadership, to me, is defined as creating a collaborative enterprise that welcomes change, diversity and creativity while emphasizing professionalism and access to quality educational programs. My experience includes setting 3-5 year goals, examining case studies for school improvement, keeping curriculum up to date, keeping programs cutting-edge, and keeping staff well trained and on a progressive track that they design with me.

(b) My professional growth:  I believe there can be created  a wealth of programs and opportunities to make all feel like useful contributors, and growth can always happen. For me, I like to be the change agent, and be a role model of progress and change. I am a life-long learner, and I model this for others. I also firmly believe that nothing is set in stone. As much as we want to believe that we’ll set up “the way it goes,” I also believe that “the way it goes” can change over time, and the ability to be flexible and adaptive is an excellent skill, and businesses that cannot bend and adapt to changing trends risk becoming out of touch. So, while institutions pride themselves on how old they are, I pride myself on how innovative we are- with creativity, finding new and better ways to do things, and the ability to think outside the box. My job, as I see it, is to evaluate the depth of the water, jump in, and start paddling. The rest is sheer ability to bend a river so that the canyon it carves is one that beautifies a mountainside. This is no easy task, of course, but it never stops being exciting if you are a true builder and visionary, with the ability to see around each upcoming bend and plan accordingly. I believe in keeping my eyes open, for new ways and new tools. Education never stops being exciting or useful.

(c) My commitment to urban education: I believe in following the path of renewal schools. Some marks of renewal schools include their encouraging depth and breathe of studies, a commitment to marginalized students, deliberate distributing of power, and purpose and leadership among all the staff. This reminds me of the saying, “The Power To, Not Power Over.”  I envision this kind of environment.

Also, There is a mandate on my part to uphold trust, uphold integrity, be held accountable for all actions, follow the law, and be completely transparent. Parents and community  members need to form a part of school site councils and report to board meetings; Grass roots campaigns should be allowed to poll households for feedback on how they believe the educational process is going, and on what they feel needs to be included.  The community may want to know about spending, supervision, and hiring practices. They may want to know that their views and values are represented at board meetings. Test scores, management of funds, school construction, and hiring practices are all areas of concern. Parents want to know that teachers are qualified, the staff are properly trained, that students are being prepared realistically for the future, and that the school is clean and safe. I have a commitment, as well, to supporting my staff, giving them what they need, and making the school a great place to be. I also have a commitment to upholding the mission and vision, and to helping the school climate and culture grow in a positive direction.

(d) My setting and modeling high expectations : I have taught for over 20 years, and I have very high expectations about education and about professional conduct. My expectations include maintaining stability, safety, acknowledging progress and effort, giving firm and beneficial correction, and sharing of the vision and mission. My Expectations  can be broken down into key components to include: 1) Trust-The ability to rely on each other.  Trust comes in the form of agreements, contracts, and counting on professionals who you rely on to have the expertise to do their jobs correctly, as they were trained to do. (I contrast this with poor leadership by those who model low expectations to include not doling out responsibility, micromanaging, or spying via e-mail and cameras.) 2)Confidence-I look at growth as investment in my staff and their abilities, win-win, and putting in a little extra effort to ensure victory. Hope is key here, and faith plays a part too, but I have to work to develop a culture and climate where this is modeled and ok, and it must be reinforced. 3) Body Language- Emotion-Smiling, being attentive, being reassuring and supportive. These cannot be underestimated. To manage others, one must be able to help them manage their moods and feelings and live for another day. We must do as the airline stewards do and tell our passengers the flight will be good, and help to make it so. We persuade them, and we resist being cynical and negative. Thus, administration does far more than just administer tests and monitor test scores.

(e) My knowledge about curriculum and teaching practices: Student-centered programs, more human approaches, more creativity seem to make the difference.  We need time to think deeply on subjects, to move meaningfully, to follow our deeper values. Not doing this creates “energy deficits.” Common purpose, cultural ties, and interaction towards common goals can help in the communication process. Poor schools display unhealthy interactions that lack these qualities. Everyone is talking about reform, and while I want staff to be innovative and stay cutting edge, do it not just for the sake of busyness. I was taught that more and faster doesn’t always equal better. There must be gaps in the growth process for any change to be processed by users. Innovation overload can cause exhaustion, insecurity, or a lack of opportunity to reflect and renew.  So I want to make sure we adopt sound practices first.

Julie L. Shepard, Statement of Interest and Intent

It is true that education inspires me.  I find my inspiration and motivation when surrounded by like minds. Like minds, for my need, are people who are change-agents, collaborators, researchers, and leaders. I have entered my next phase of college to form greater connectedness, and to seek more tools for the jobs that I do. My purposes in applying for graduate study include being a good and strong role model, being the best leader that I can be, keeping abreast of current research, having greater choices in my future, having a variety of tools to use to make the best choices, and continuing to empower others to be their best.

My interests have always been centered in educational leadership, and the idea of “The Power To, Not Power Over.”  I have spent 20 years of my life living and teaching empowerment to disempowered groups.  I have worked with immigrants, refugees, homeless, LD populations, urban schools, under-privileged youth and adults, and prison inmate reform. I have had the unique privilege of changing the lives of thousands of people, and I understand the challenges and obstacles. My mother was an immigrant and my father was Native American. My unique position has allowed me a lot to say about equity, race, gender, and the equalizing force of education. I’m a huge follower of Horace Mann.

With my present Masters degree in Educational Technology Leadership and teaching credentials in Computer Applications and Multimedia, my Academic interests have been primarily centered in Workforce development, training, and employability. I have done staff training, employee training at small business sites, technology training, curriculum revision and technology integration. I have been a Technology Coordinator and Department Head, a Program Coordinator, an Academic Coordinator, an Educational Systems Analyst, and a consultant for small businesses.  I make sure that what is taught is relevant, usable, and current- and that requires research.

My professional objectives include doing research work and participating in research writing, primarily in areas of workforce development and employment readiness, women in the workforce, training and educational equity for girls and women, minorities, learning disabled, and immigrants. Future occupations or professions would center on college or university leadership roles, private training school leadership roles, or research settings as they pertain to technical and career training data for at risk populations.

My preparation and aptitude for graduate study has so far proven successful. I have successfully completed many graduate level classes, and in October 2009 I completed my Administrative Services Credential while maintaining a high grade point average.  I have many friends and colleagues with doctoral degrees urging me to continue.

My particular area of specialization, at the Benerd School of Education, would be the doctoral degree in Educational Administration, to complete the Ed.D. in Educational Administration with Higher Education/Community College Emphasis. I hope to continue at U.O.P., taking graduate classes towards this end in Spring, 2010.

I wondered what they were looking for. Was it race, gender, age? They were able to see all the applicants, and yet with this trivial amount of information, they chose applicants based on what I don't even think were the best presentations that I had seen.

It was then that I asked some friends what employers look for. One told me that the managers look for people who remind them of themselves, so they might look for their cronies. Another friend told me they might look for someone young who won't question authority or ask for much and will work for less pay. Another told me that maybe it's a race thing, and they need one male, one female, to black selections, and throw in somebody who speaks Spanish.

There was an incredible selection of ages and genders in the room. In these tough economic times, it seems employers have the lotto's pick of a dozen winners at any given time. Though their methods for picking what was to be two finalists seems irrational to us, we don't really get the option of disagreeing.

So how did all the people feel who were not selected? Disappointed, yes, but they were quick to bind with those others in the room and make friends. There was a lot of waving going on in the parking lot. For the most part, they seemed cordial and in control. But it is taxing on the nerves to go to job interviews and be turned down time after time, assuming you ever get to the interview part.

If you ever do a group interview, here are some pointers:
1. Stand closer to the people you are speaking to. Some folks were very far away.
2. Don't stand where a light source can shield your face. Some folks were standing in the light of the projector, with Powerpoint on their faces.
3. Don't look like you are reading. If you do, you will look stiff.
4. Wear a dress jacket. The majority did, and those who came only in blouses or shirts felt under-dressed.
5. Look around, be cordial. Think of it as a shot party and some good practice.
6. Congratulate yourself for your efforts, whether or not you are selected.
7. Stay positive. I have known people to be called back in, or be on stand-by.
8. The right job will come. If not this one, then another one.
9. It's not you. As you read above, they are looking for someone specific, and like actors in a play, you may not be right for that part. So don't fret. Your part will come.

It's easy to feel humiliated by what appeared to be a useless cattle call, and a room filled with people who all just wasted three hours. However, now you know what a group interview feels like, and it's different from a panel interview.
With practice and exposure, the right job will appear, and you will be prepared and ready to go. And maybe this time, they will have you in mind for the main character.

On the one hand, you are over 18 and expected to act like an adult. On the other hand, you are just barely past your "teens" ans still feel like one. You worry about being fat, being liked, having friends, finding things to do, and having money to do them. For most 21 year olds, that's about how far ahead they think.

So my daughter lived with a handful of roommates. They pitched in change to make Top Ramen together, and they ate food so bad it's amazing they didn't all get sick. But in the list above, there are items deleted from what you and I might consider essential, such as housing, health care, nutrition, education, job training, or safety. They may live on a diet of diet soda and cigarettes in order not to become fat, like their parents, or like the fat world they are escaping from. They crash with friends, and having friends is good, but if they are too broke, then friends just sit around and tell stories because there is no real excitement, until they get jobs or relationships, and they drop out of the group one by one.

Then there is a matter of finding things to do, because eventually someone will suggest they drive around, go shopping, see a movie, or see a concert. That's tough if everyone is crashing and nobody works. But sooner or later, Workforce Development will rear its ugly head, and somebody will mention the J word. It's time to look for a job.

My daughter lasted 2 weeks at a pizza parlor, 2 months as waitress, and 6 months as a piercer at a tattoo parlor looking at bikers and colorful folks with bandannas and assorted leather gear on. But no matter how novel, eventually everyone in town is pierced and tatooed who's gonna be, and the rest of them, who refused to save 50% on a "half sleeve," just get up in the morning and go to their jobs, wherever that may be. Perhaps they are baggers, stock clerks, cashiers, or tire changers. They go into merchandising, food services, or body shops, and they start to learn trades.

My daughter says she will only go to college if she can find one that will pay for the costs 100% in grants. Well, that won't happen, but some young people actually figured out that maybe they can work AND go to school, because somebody told them they will have better jobs in the future if they couple cashiering and store-stocking with business management or a bookkeeping major.

For me, I began tutoring foreign students in English, coupled with an English college major and a certificate in ESL. That started my career as a language teacher and took me down a road that was 17 years long. But your average young adult doesn't connect the dots and see what the long term advantages might be when they couple work experience with formal training. So the kid in the tire store takes some automotive classes and he learns about car parts and becomes a dealer's assistant who works his way up to manager. Or the girl in the tattoo shop takes health care classes and becomes a state health inspector that checks up on piercing parlors to see if they are spreading diseases. It's amazing how one job leads to another and patterns emerge.

I watch my daugher to look for the pattern. There are early signs. She loves poetry and writing, literature, and could probably be a very good report writer one day. She loves to study abnormal psychology, study the people who don't fit into society, and she would make a good social worker of probation officer. She also has an iron stomach, so if she had to do forensic science and write coroner's reports, her ability to look at blood and guts and not flinch might come in handy some day.

When I was 21, I was an elevator operator, then a waitress, then a front desk clerk. Then I was unemployed and went to the beach every day for months, until I was tired of being broke and hanging out with all those broke friends. So the second part of my life happened when I went to college, and there I found intellectuals and intellectual arguement, and that worked for me. I liked it. I got all they types of degrees there were to get except a doctoral degree, and I'll get that too. I think I got tired of not knowing, and I like those that know. In fact, the more you know, the better you get paid, so I actually became more valuable to others by finding a path I loved and pursuing it.

It isn't wrong for any young person to fumble around trying this or that job, quitting, and trying something else. That's how they find the shoe that fits. yet even after that, we continue to try on different shoes, and there is no reason why we can't continue to change careers throughout our lives.

Once, I went to school because I was broke and I wanted to be valuable. Now, I go to school because I see value in the process itself, and each class I take fills me with awe, just as I was filled with ability by every job I ever took. Steve Jobs attributes his art class and study of caligraphy to why we have lovely font styles in our computers today- because he built them in, and he says no skill is ever lost. Learning is never wasted.

I can picture my daughter writing books on abnormal psychology one day, interviewing inmates to ask them about their lives, or helping to rehabilitate the suffering. Whatever she does, it will be great. She is planting the seeds of greatness right before my eyes, and they are awkward first steps.

If I watch carefully, I will remember myself and my own awkward first steps. It's scary and exciting. I'm excited just watching her. Secretly, I know it's only a matter of time before all those friends of hers get into schools or trainig centers, and she will be left behind. Then someone will suggest a school for her, and she will take them up on it...and off she will go. The school of life, happening soon.

If you are young and you are reading this, don't worry about the economy. Just find a school that teaches what you love, and start taking just one class. One class at a time, slowly, and you will find your pace. One day you will look in the mirror, and you will be a swan. Funny how that happens.

My daughter is sensitive to distractions. They might include people who tap pencils or a foot, clicking of fingers, a light that flickers, or a repetitive sound. She focuses on the irritation to the point where she can't think straight and she starts to lose her mind. "Stop that sound!" she says, and the whole DMV turns to see who she was talking to. Embarrassing? Yes. But she can't stand the overwhelming feelings of distress that overcome her when she can't process all those auditory signals at once. Your brain can tuned them out and select what it prefers to hear. Her brain hears ALL the sounds, good or bad, and she gets confused. It's awkward, I admit. People with disabilities can stand out when they get upset.

The same frustration happens when she takes directions. If she is told one set of directions and another person joins in and begins to talk or change the directions, she gets confused. She can only tune in one one speaker and one train of thought at a time. I have trained her to ask if they can write it down, but she still tends to lash out and yell, "No stop! You're confusing me!" Thus, the disability (Could be re-named "inability) is more surrounding her inability to limit and distinguish the influx of sounds and stimuli, and she becomes overstimulated. Those spontaneous yelling spees are called Melt Downs, and they happen when her brain says "OK, enough already!" and she literally shuts down and can't think straight.

She's a great young woman most of the time. kind and amiable, until she's confused. And the learning disability comes in at the part where she learns differently, as in "differently abled." She learns anything you can learn, but not all at once, and not in noise, thank you. She needs some control over the noise and her response to it. This has to be learned, and in the mean time, if you know someone with a learning disability, it doesn't mean they are retarded. Retardation has to do with not being able to learn after a certain point, (and I seriously wonder who ever stops being able to learn.) But seriously, we all learn differently anyway, and we all need to find our style, what distracts us, and how to accommodate our best learning styles. Some of us read it, some of us talk it through, some of us prefer to record it and listen to the playback. But hey, if you're learning, that's great, isn't it? Employability? Life skills? Money? They make the world go 'round.

I think people with learning disabilities need others to understand that it's really hard to be inside a body so sensitive that it tunes in to every little thing. I help my daughter to lower her stress and find her best learning style, and she loves learning new things. You could do well to help your loved ones, friends, work colleagues, students, or strangers, by just being a little patient and understanding. My daughter is doing just fine in her life and she's frustrated with her lot in life, but she handles it. She's a contributor, as we all want to be. She could work a bit on fine-tuning her requests when she's frustrated, but then, don't we all have days like that? Nobody's perfect. So disability doesn't mean "inabilty" as much as it means "different learning." If your child has Autism or is tagged LD learner, don't panic. Protect that child's self esteem and show them what they can do right. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Einstein was labeled and LD student, and we know he was a contributor!

I recently received e-mail from both daughters. I tracked down two ex co-workers. I also asked an old job if they had new openings. None of this would have been as easy if I had not already been on MySpace, Facebook, Posterous, Yahoo mail, and GMail. I have made myself able to be found. It's amazing. Yet many people still do not use these tools to do all the networking they could do, to connect to the jobs and new friends they wish they could have.

On the one hand, I admit that I hate when my boyfriend sits in front of the computer ignoring me. It takes time to check all those accounts every day. On the other hand, it beats hanging out at bars, and it costs less too. Plus, I know where he is, and he's not wasting gas.

I am upset that 400 people apply for each job opening, and that I seldom get the opportunity for face to face interaction, to let them get to know me as a person. However, I am not upset that I didn't drive 40 miles to put in that job application, or that I did not need to spend an hour filling out my job application for the 50th time.

So, any opportunity to take a lasting stand, repeat myself less, or be consistent in my presentation is a good thing. I would love to see eye contact, hear voice inflection, or see non verbal responses when the guy who won't hire me realizes I look like the ex-girlfriend he broke up with. I hate being the wrong age, size, color, gender, or some other thing I can't put my finger on. But it's great that people can communicate on line without ever caring what I look like. So networking is pure energy, of minds connecting, and it is just one more attempt to equalize men and women in a world where that is still so needed.

Workforce Development is my speciality, so I do everything I can do connect people with opportunities, and the internet has surely created unique new opportunities. I have to admit, I thought, as well, that MySpace was for flirting teens and Facebook was for antisocial folks who can't carry on face to face conversations. But the popularity and organization of these sites has made it impossible to ignore them as networking tools.

My daughters are proud of me. The older one made my account and helped me create a very impressive liking system, while the younger one posted a "Cool Mother that I Love" comment on my page. It's more than cool to connect with others, it's essential. It's about keeping up with the times. So, I put in the time, as well, to update my pages and connect. You should too.